Misery loves company. Please, excuse my improper English grammar and diction---2:00AM does it to me! The sad statistics to the unit I am assigned to has a recidivism rate of 87% the first year are either let go or transferred to a different unit or the other 13% are killed or can't be found. You can't beat math, its the structure of the universe... it's a design in chaos.

I know that sounds nihilistic, but the vast majority of correctional officers, medical personal, and most inmates are horrible people. For instance, the officers who sit on me when I go to the hospital (new heart condition) actually are the same officers who watch death row. I was informed and given pictures of how officers could not find a vein in the condemned prisoner 2 1/2 years ago and the Warden Staci Ibarra(see X for her home address) of Eyman complex gave permission to cut open the groin area (6" incision) without pain killers or anesthetics that actually cut through all of his ligaments (see photographs attached)and muscle tissue, hence, the inmate was left to bleed to death on the gurney/table. He was screaming in agony for 1/2 hour. Afterwards, everyone in attendance was issued the Patriot Act and Secrecy Act. That's the truth and it's bullshit!

I'm almost tempted to help some of these emotionally damaged and psychotic inmates change their lives...Remember, there are 40,000 people who are reported missing yearly in the United States and still are 5 years later.

Certainly, I could be a contributing member of society by instructing survivalist/anarchists on how to make powerful explosives such as Oklahoma City bombers did in 1995...the company I worked for, invested in, and later I owned a small fraction of the book publishing company actually sold books to these bombers. I am the young man with the older man in the instructional video(Poor Man's James Bond) making methamphetamine and explosives. Maybe I should join ISIS living in Afghanistan among the poppi fields and abject poverty, but that's not my cup of tea!I guess I am an American, but there are no second chances unless you come from big money.

Unfortunately, the Arizona Department of Corrections refuses to let me attend post secondary education, because they say I'm mentally I'll. I will be released in 5 years with only a bullshit paralegal degree. I really can't see myself living on a meager $100,000.00 yearly. If you are even considered minutely mentally I'll the medical contractor for the state strips you of all your rights in improving yourself scholastically. The psychotropics I am forced to take really diminishes the quality of life!

It makes you feel desperate. I want to lash out on these people and the community. I will say killing people is boring, tiresome, and lacks my fascination. I was selected years ago to partake in a highly sensitive groups with multiple psychologists and one psychiatrist who worked with cannibals in New Zealand and I was guaranteed if I participated honestly I would be granted parole. The members of the group spoke of how they were all serial killers and these groups encouraged an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I actually got to meet blunted psychopaths. For example, in our group we had an Army veteran who spoke of his first experience wanting to kill, his fascination doing so, and the exploratory(escalation) killings. First starting with having sex with corpses, then dismemberment, having sex with internal body parts and finally eating his victims then saving his fecal matter from the dead young girls in Florida. The psychologists went over all of the bodies senses(smell, touch, taste, odors, etc) There was an older man who said he went after homosexual men and cut their penis off and crammed it into his anus, for a variety of reasons. These groups went on for 6 months and I suspected that these inmates were actually undercover cops attempting to get me to either admit I was a serial killer.

The prison I was at, Ely State Prison, Ely, Nevada an inmate could go years and not meet all the inmates. There was a special friend of mine on death row at Ely named Patrick McKenna, who's last letter to me said stay away from shrinks and stay on psychotropics!

Anyhow, these men that I was having groups with admitted to murders all over North America. Some were detailed and some were not with the remains of the bodies that encompassed both male and female...all were young individuals dating to the mid 1980's to early 1990's. One of the group participants made movies out of killing girls and teenage boys(snuff films) sold south of the equator.

I was actually thinking of skipping out of parole and stealing a 40' freedom sailboat and circumnavigating the globe for 10 years or until my health gave out. Sounds like the Steven King movie "Shawshank Redemption."


My section is next to the State of Arizona's death row and last week all of my unit lost their jobs that we depend on for money, because officers found multiple home aid knives(bangers) and I am aware that officers dismiss the distinct sound of metal grinding against the concrete floor to sharpen the metal to a lethal point! Earlier this summer I heard the grinding for days and broken fans everywhere. Inmates take the Axel out of the electric fans, plus magnets to make home aide speakers!

Maybe I can beat the mathematical statistics of not becoming a number with returning to prison. Honestly, I've been locked up for 30 years and I HAVE NEVER seen a success story. Sometimes, the parolee is doing everything correct, but the parole officer is an asshole and there is no accountability or the parole officer can act with impunity. The parole officer can disregard your rights and it might take years to rectify. There are no checks and balances! The system is truly rigged for me to fail!

I have personally seen officers, with my own eyes, give illegal drugs to inmates. Again, recently I had full access to a cell phone for over one hour!